As I read these replies (and I thank you all for them), I feel I need to redirect my inquiry.

I may currently live way out in the suburbs (the ex-urbs), but I have lived in the city for a lot of my life, and I have no concerns about being able to be safe. I've ridden NYC subways at 1am, and stumbled home from a few neighborhood bars in in-town Atlanta. I've prowled the back streets and alleys of New Orleans, and walked around Times Square in the early 90s taking pictures.

I don't fear people with more pigment than I, nor immediately assign them the label of "dangerous". My concern isn't about safety, but more about what places aren't what they're cracked up to be?

Is a certain restaurant/bar not really as described? Are there trails and hikes that read well in the guide books, but really aren't worth my time and huffing and puffing?

Is there a spot where hucksters and vultures swoop onto the tourists (ugh, Straw Market in Nassau! Never again!)?

My wife and I have read this and a few other boards, as well as some guidebooks, and are quite convinced that the answers to my questions are, "No. St. John is exactly as you think it is." In which case, I'll be prowling the island's bars and restaurants with my wife, eating and drinking with tourist and local alike. We'll hike some trails and take a TON of pictures. We'll sit on the porch at Serendip, drink Bushwackers, and watch the sun set over St. Thomas. We'll snorkel Trunk, and may even take a boat over to Yost Van Dyke.

We'll leave 6 days later with sun-kissed skin, a pound or two heavier (yikes!), and ride the ferry over to St. Thomas with tears in our eyes as we wave goodbye to our new friends and our new Favorite Place In the World.

I mean, would Kenny Chesney lie??

No hippie, Kenny does not lie :o)

Man, I could use a Pina Colada
Little bit of sun on my skin
A hammock, a book
Never gonna look back
Once my feet hit the sand
I've had it up to here with this rat race
Need a smile on my face

I wanna go where I can lighten up the load
Drive a little while on the wrong side of the road
Get this laying low off to a flying start
Play my guitar in the Caribbean sun
Hang with the locals at the Quiet Mon
Where you can be a tourist, a beach bum, or a star
And be as you are

Gettin' stuck sure would be easy
In this palm tree paradise
Ambition fades with every wave
For the finer things in life
Maybe I'll just hang around here
Go home later next year

I wanna play my guitar in the Caribbean sun
Hang with the locals at the Quiet Mon
Where you can be a tourist, a beach bum, or a star
And be as you are
Be as you are

Yeah, Connie!
I'm waiting for the next potluck!

There are no in-your-face vendors.
There are no tourist traps (IMHO anyway).
There are no chain restaurants or stores.
(The Westin is a chain hotel but why would you go there if you are staying at Serendip.)
Mellow.
Small.
Intimate.

I will mention again about the late night troubles. Even the best and funnest bars/restaurants attract the nasties late at night.

Here is what I would avoid...

Woody's Happy Hour can be extremely hot with the sun position and time of day.

Especially since you have been at the beach all day and you body has probably already told you – Why did you not re- sunscreen?

You get Woody’s 5 minutes late and do not get the coveted table with the umbrella…
Crap!
Just get your drink and walk across the street to the old Subway and drink in the shade when you get hot.

So I would avoid the hot sun when you have a cold drink in your hand on a street corner.

Why - It melts the ice…

The other option is to sneak up the stairs next door to the Quiet Mon and pay a little more. However you get a ring side seat to look down on the craziness. I would add that the amount of alcohol seems proportional to the price paid… So the Quiet Mon for a Dark and Tonic drinker shines in the drink category. However Woody’s can be extremely refreshing. Just takes a few more… Equality – I love it!

Connie,
Whats the name of that kenny chesney song you posted?

Be as you are...

I agree. I was "forced" to go to Woody's last week to pick up an order (JJ's was still closed). Woody's irritates me to no end.

As an old 34-year old, it reminds me of the frat parties I tried so hard to avoid. Drunk people...people acting drunk...guys strutting about in tank tops with that look of "I'll fight you if you want" on their faces...(shudder)...and it's like 47,000 degrees in there.

Some woman almost old enough to be my mother nearly fell off a bar stool because she "wanted to be my friend". I just sat there and prayed the fryer would hurry the hell along!

But, it's a popular place. It's just not for me.

OMG nogooddaddy.....you have room to talk!!!!

I've spent most of today reading your stories, you're killing me here.

You're joking right??? 😛

I can deal Woody's - outside only...

The place that gets to me is Duffy's in Red Hook

Why anyone would enjoy sitting in a parking lot with cars driving through and all the smells while sipping on drink with a plastic animal floating in it that came from God knows where (probably China) always amazes me.

It is much more refined to stand on the corner of a busy intersection in STJ - than a parking lot in STT 😀

Tom-
If you can fill me in with a place on STJ that has wings like Duffy's, I'd probably agree with you. Those Tangy-Fiji wings are my soul crushers!
I agree about the Woody's comment; it's a little too cramped for me, and the traffic at your toes can tend to be a little harrowing with new visitors learning how to drive on the left. I prefer Quiet Mon.
I love 99% of the bars that I've been to on STJ, honestly. I think my favorite in Skinny Legs.
So, Tom (anybody?)- where are the best wings on STJ?
Smiles-
MJ

I am leg and breast man 😀

Not sure I have had any wings in STJ or STT for that matter.

So I cannot add to that discussion

You are too much! Nice one...
Smiles-
MJ

connie, I hear ya on that one, ( nogooddaddy & Woody's).

TomB, You know someone on another board claimed that people who visit STJ were "unsophisticated". I like Duffy's and also visit STJ so now I'm "unsophisticated" and " unrefined" Boy these Islands are getting bad for my reputation.

I think that you may have overlooked the some of the unique qualities of Duffys. I like Woody's as well but I don't know if the belly button bar shots are refined or just cool. Eyes of the beholder I guess. Duffys being in a parking lot is not wrong. It's just different like so many other Island Tings.......

Is the Quiet Mon right next to Woody's?

Yep,
If you're looking from the street at Woody's, Quiet Mon is upward, diagonally upstairs, on the right. Cool spot. I'd rather watch the action on the street from above. It's fun, and although I've never eaten there, the bartenders are always very nice. We'll be sure to drop in again this fall. I can't wait!
63 days to Maho...
Smiles-
MJ

If you look at the picture earlier in thread
Quiet Mon has a red roof and a balcony
Balcony seats are the best, but come early 😎

My opinions:

The only place I used to actively avoid was The Front Yard after everything else was closed. I liked the place, but at 3AM the angry nuts used to wash up. Good earlier, especially with live music. RIP.

Miss Lucy's can be a bit of a mob scene for their Full Moon party, we haven't been back since a painful experience in 2004. Though, the reviews I've read from trusted sources have been pretty darn good the last year or so.

For the just-not-good-value-for-the-money, Zozo's service has been lacking for me since they moved into the old Ellington's space at Gallows Point. Recent reviews have emphasized this point.

Cheers, RickG